I changed a lot during the lockdowns.
Only now, in retrospect, am I clocking just how deeply. I think that those unprecedented depths and lengths of uncertainty and the unprecedented exposure to mass suffering may have affected some people more than we’re really publicly acknowledging.
Please use self-control to avoid devolving into discussion of “the pros and cons of lockdowns”…And please avoid comparisons between a physical disease and mental distress/illness. This is about getting better together by firstly getting real about what happened to one as an individual. We’re allowed to lament the peripheral damages of a pandemic.
I used to think I was very mentally strong, tenacious, unstoppable. I’ve sacrificed so much in my life trying to “make it” as a performing electronic musician, whatever that means.
But the distance between who I was in early 2020 and 2022 is more extreme than just what it would have been through natural progression. I feel like an old man in my aims and expectations of myself. I’m lucky enough that my insurance provides me a therapist, and she --devoid of any desire to make a political statement of any kind-- often tells me that I would be shocked how many people are still emotionally/spiritually reeling from the effects of the lockdowns.
Anyone else feel like they aged 10 years in just 2? Does anyone feel like they packed some dreams away and locked the door?
Dude, this is an interesting topic. I know I changed due to the lockdowns and things in my life related to it. My wife/partner dealt with some significant mental health troubles during it which meant I had to pick up more of the load as parents of two young children. Your comments about mental toughness and tenacity resonate with me as well. I still think I have those traits, but I also think that I can be shaken (my confidence, at least) more easily than I used to. I can’t be sure if that’s related to aging in general, or whether lockdown times exacerbated that.
I already had a tendency to shut off emotionally when things got hard, and lockdown definitely exacerbated that. I feel like it is kinda hard for me to be spontaneous and joyful. I don’t know how much of it was lockdown and how much of it was me just getting older and having more responsibility. I was only “locked down” for a couple months, I pretty quickly had to get back to work making pizza to pay my rent. But also in that time I taught myself electronics design, and that requires a level of vigilance and planning that kinda puts my mind in a very serious kind of mode, so I think it was a confluence of factors. Also I think it didn’t help that my dad died in 2019, so those years were a bit of an emotional whirlwind for me.
same here Warpigs, my dad died in 2020. I put a lot of my subsequent mental health issues down to that, but maybe the lockdown thing had a part to play too.
I do know that I feel I aged 10 years in 2, like OP mentioned. my hair went totally grey and fell out
It had a considerable impact on my reading, music listening, and movie/series watching. You’d think those things would go up, but they went down, and have still not fully recovered. Also it shredded the last bits of my optimism about the future of humanity.
On a positive note, I did start with my first bits of synth kit during the pandemic, and found this very nice community in which to talk about it.
I never really recovered from it. I still find myself bringing it up from time to time like it was yesterday and I still haven’t caught up to where I was before. In addition to the music scene being shut down completely the field I worked in as a day job also completely shut down and I had no work for over two years. I feel essentially robbed of over two years salary while other people apparently had fun working from home for the first time and buying lots of stuff online. It completely derailed my life plans at the time and now I’m 5 years older or whatever and still don’t feel back on track.
There are so many changes in that time period - from obvious ones to less obvious ones.
Specific additional things that happened:
I had finally gotten a job that paid more than a poverty wage, and moved to a nice part of the city in 2019. Many of the restaurants and concert venues I patronized are gone now.
I got married in 2022.
I lost my dog (who was one of my best friends) to old age in 2021.
I forged new friendships and changed jobs twice after my industry shifted to remote work.
I lost friendships as tensions in the US increased
I developed chronic pain issues, but on the other hand I finally got a diagnosis for a lifelong disability
One person I know died from covid
Some of the impacts on me or that I notice:
I also feel like I aged 10 years in 2 years. The pandemic era combined with chronic pain and other physical issues after has robbed me of my mid-30s, which given some big positive events in my life should’ve been my best years so far. I’d definitely say I have some form of trauma.
I’m less generous with my time and resources.
I’m less resilient and more likely to avoid problems.
My attention span and reading comprehension are pretty fucked from all the doom scrolling and then weirdly long periods of nothing to work on in 2020/21.
Every plan I made is essentially on hold until I can actually use my arms for more than the bare minimum outside of work again
I feel like i have something related to agoraphobia now. Crowds didn’t use to tress me out, but now I’m always afraid of getting sick if I’m around others.
I lost the last shreds of the spirituality I tried to cling to during 2020/21.
My optimism about the future, like others, is more or less completely gone. People seem more mean-spirited and petty and hostile when out and about.
Yep.
Im a very different person now compared to the before times.
Two things happened in 2020, not only the pandemic, but I got diagnosed with a chronic medical condition. There is no cure. Just a lifetime of medication and lifestyle habits to manage the condition. It is a constant battle. And it is exhausting.
Maybe the two things happening at the same time meant I lost all desire to socialise and pursue parts of my life that were important. Its like I just gave up. Lost the drive, interest, confidence, passion.
Do you have the experience of thinking that things in 2019 happened very recently? It’s almost as if my brain deleted most of 2020-2022 even though some pretty significant (and even positive) events in my life happened in that span. Even 2022 - current feels like a vague blur in my memory.
What you say resonates with me, I don’t think I have recovered completely from that time, I still feel weaker than before. And sometimes I still catch myself feeling like I’m waiting, but I can’t figure out for what, or like holding back, but I couldn’t tell you why.
Took me a while to notice, though, because during the lockdowns I mostly felt fine, as a family we managed that time pretty well. It only started in 2022 or so, when I felt that I had lost a lot of my optimism and energy, and it’s only coming back slowly. I glad this didn’t affecting my work much, I may have lost a bit of my ability to focus, but not to an extend that anyone would notice. But when I’m by myself, at times I feel unconnected to the world around me, as if it’s unreal, or, the other way round, like I’m a ghost.
However, I feel that it’s getting better, what’s helping me, slowly, is writing music, taking longs walks, or deep conversation, which all require that I make the time, and find the energy.
I actually feel more distressed and worried in our current climate than I did in covid. There was an uncertainty in covid but I still had hope in finding a way out, currently watching conflicts and changes in politics and societies is fucking grim viewing.
My city was locked down the longest with a fairly left wing government.
Everyone seemed to be in equal terms and strong social connections grew organically i my area. (Context inner city, near the beach - fairly lucky in that regard )
It was the split in the alternative communities and the general veer to alt right that absolutely shocked and changed everything in my life.
In quick succession : I had to move on from my long term live in gf and two best friends - all who went alt right bonkers.
Seems as though they never really understood me or my values.
Provably needed to happen. Much like the micro, the Marco went a bit sideways.
I’ve become more socially anxious since covid. I was already working from home (mostly) for a few years and then it was a period of unemployment followed by mainly work-from-home again and I didn’t see my friends as much.
I have been lucky and I didn’t get ill and I didn’t get any issues from vaccines. I had no issue taking them, the medical community knows better than me. I’ve never ignored my doctor’s advice before, why start now. It was a calculated risk I was willing to take. There’s a small risk of serious side effects from taking “everyday” drugs like cough medicines and painkillers, so I don’t see any difference. It’s a numbers game. I understand the negative sentiment towards the idea of being “forced” but for me it was more about protecting other people like the elderly etc.
Got a few family members that have long covid issues but nothing too serious.
The mental health impact - that I did not expect. I have a good mate and he told me he felt nervous going back to the office after lockdown, not because of health risk but because of social anxiety. That made me feel a bit better to be honest!
My life also changed for better. I quit many bad habits because of covid restrictions, and made me more focused and healthy. I restructured my life again.
Also entered in beautiful relationship with my current partner, and things couldn’t be better.
Also because of it spark for music making came back from my teenage days and is also going strong for 5 years now.
As much as i see those times as hard and depressing everything after came out really good and exciting
I’ve nothing to get too upset about. I lived in a nice big house with two little kids and a loving wife during the lockdowns. Well, my second kid was born during lockdown 2, which sucked for my wife, cos they locked her up in hospital for two weeks for no reason (because the NHS are twats), but not the end of the world.
I really feel bad for all the people who were already fucked before the plague. Their lives got significantly worse during the lockdowns and a lot haven’t really got much better since. I never once got stopped by the old bill to ask where I was going or what I was doing, mostly because I live in a nice village full of white people.
Some of my friends who live on council estates or who had to use public transport to get to work weren’t so lucky, and had to live with almost daily hassle from Her Majesty’s Wealth Protection Corps, who seemed to be permanently stationed on every corner. Their mental health has been severely impacted, with some of them lost to the anger of it all.
I think a lot of people are still really fucked up over it all and it isn’t really being addressed. Quite the opposite, we’re just going to carry on pretending everything’s fine, because that’s just what we do.
